Facebook marketplace is like a digital carboot sale, stuffed with all of the junk, stolen property, and crazy bargains that you might find on a muddy sports field at 9am on a drizzly Sunday morning. Like a good carboot sale, every item tells a story, like an artefact or relic from a passed life. Let’s dive in.

Having a clear out…

This marketplace seller is having a clear out in more ways than one, looking to offload this sleeping “c**t” along with the sofa as a package deal. £50 for a sofa with a discount for personnel removal isn’t bad at all, and it does look verrry comfortable.

Greggings…

This one honestly just speaks for itself, i’m not a good enough writer to improve perfection.

My christmas is stolen and my day is ruined…

If you pay for a Grinch business that promises to come and steal your Christmas, you can’t then be surprised when the grinch comes through and steals christmas. That level of service if anything warrants a tip, not a bad review to the local neighbourhood watch group. never been so disgusted in my life !!!

Killer laminator…

Top marks here, ten out of ten, no notes. If you want to distract people from mindlessly scrolling and get them to buy your A3 laminator, you gotta get creative, and being swallowed alive by your A3 laminator is creative.

Well-worth it…

They all had to end up somewhere, and if anything it’s reassuring to know that Woolworths’ signs are still floating around and changing hands for cash. At £600 asking price, this sign must be worth more than anything that was ever available in the shop itself, leading you to wonder if going bust could have been the best thing that ever happened to Woolworths, given how much money it must have unlocked in the business.